She doesn't Love Me
by Pinkpillow19
Summary: She won't tell me she loves me, and she shouldn't. Because we both know it is a lie. ONeshot? or story?
1. Chapter 1

**Inspired by Cruel Joke by The Last Thing I do, and an ex lol, more that story made me think of an ex... GO read that story lol.**

Because she doesn't love me,

As her eyes linger

As her pupils turn to black pools

Too well hidden in this light.

My heart freezes until

Her lips land on mine

She won't tell me that she loves me

Because deep down I know she can't

Though when I go to leave she stares

Confused

Eyes wide

Like there is something she wants to say

But I see the insincerity

Implore her not to speak

If she does

I'll come undone

Fall into her lies

Because she doesn't love me

It was all a game

Too bad I didn't feel the same.


	2. Some Nights

Some nights she walks in with a slight smile gracing her lips, almost shy. Other nights I am greeted by tear stained cheeks and the scent of too much to drink. But always that look, right before I think better of it. That look is my downfall. Right before the kiss she looks as though, for a brief moment, her walls are down, she's vulnerable. Almost like me. Can she see that my eyes portray the same fleeting feelings. That for a moment there, I almost believe. Believe in love, in change, in the possibility of happiness. But happiness is a state of being, it's fleeting. And who wants to fight, when they could have an easier way out.


	3. A Type of Wonderland

How had this started? Was it boredom, was it a moment of weakness? Or lust? Would Regina ever ask Emma? Did she want the answer. Of course not, she knew the answer, she didn't love her. How could Emma love Regina.

It was late one night, the week where Emma was doing anything to get Regina to talk to her. After what she had done it should have taken a lot. But the annoyingly persistent blond kept trying, and trying. Finally waiting at Regina's door, knowing there would be no answer, not for her.

Emma put her head in hear hands and focused on hear breathing, meditation, that is how she would pass the night.

Then she heard a creek, a sigh. She waited, unmoving, for what seemed like hours. She felt someone watching her, had to be Regina Henry was at the apartment tonight, but Emma wasn't. Nope she was sitting out in the cold on Regina's porch, while Regina stood at the doorway. No doubt glaring invisible dangers into her back.

Emma wrapped her arms around her legs. Speaking never got anywhere with Regina. Emma would get a smart remark or worse no words at all.

Her insecurities were creeping up. She was worried she ruined everything, that she was never good enough for anyone, she couldn't even be friends with Regina, the woman she owed everything to.

As her thoughts had kept her occupied she didn't notice the slight give in the spot next to her. She didn't notice when a warm body sat beside her, barley brushing against her.

If she had glanced up she would notice Regina was staring at her with not hatred but deep concentration, intrigue.

Regina felt like she had been watching Emma for hours, perhaps she had. She had been sitting next to hear a while as well, but no response from the blond. She wondered if Emma was even there anymore, or if she had escaped off to the dark reaches of her mind for comfort.

Regina set her hand on top of Emma's knee.

Emma seemed so slowly notice that something changed. She looked down at her knee, sat up a little straighter, then finally let her head turn and let her green eyes connect with brown.

They stared, through the cold. Regina's eyes were still red and glassy, proof of what had been occupying her time before the sheriff interrupted her own trip into her mind. Regina looked like she was about to say something, then thought better of it.

Emma put her hand on top of Regina's. Regina didn't move, didn't flinch, didn't tense.

Emma lightly smiled, and that was the first time Regina saw it.

All of Emma's walls, they were down. She looked scared, pained. She had this face that went from strong determination to a flash of fear as she leaned closer, closer to Regina.

Regina glanced at her lips, then back up just in time to see into Emma's eyes, behind her defenses.

Right before,

Their lips touched, carefully. Both waiting for the other to realize what they had done. But neither pulled away. The kiss only grew more heated. Regina stood, pulling Emma with her and took her inside.

Suddenly they were in Regina's room. Regina wanted to know why Emma was here, why she was going to such lengths to distract Regina from her life. But she didn't want to know. Truth can hurt more than lies.

Emma slowly took off Regina's shirt never shifting her eyes from where Regina's face was. She pulled off her own, and slowly continued till they were both barely wearing anything.

Emma went to speak, she opened her mouth but Regina touched a finger to her lips, shaking her head, begging Emma not to say anything.

Emma grabbed the back of Regina's neck and gently led back into a kiss. Regina pulled Emma's hips tight against her.

Regina slowly sat down on the bed, scooting back, bringing Emma with her. Emma slowly took the brunette's bra off, and then made quick work of her own throwing both to the floor. She slowly kissed down Regina's body to her underwear, pulling that off. Regina's breathing got quicker, deeper.

The only sounds released were moans and Emma's name escaping past Regina's defenses as she released. Regina moved to flip Emma, but this time Emma shook her head.

She didn't deserve Regina. She laid down propping her head up on her hand watching Regina brushing brunette locks out of brown eyes. Emma smiled, a sad smile.

Regina put her hand on Emma's shoulder trailing it down her arm, reaching her hand and gripping.

Regina's head on her pillow, slowly closing her eyes.

A/N: Listening to Wonderland by Tswift while writing. fits perfectly.


	4. I know PlacesWe Can Hide

I know places.

When Regina woke up Emma was gone. She vaguely remembered receiving a kiss to her head and covers being tucked tighter around her. She sighed. She was alone again.

She was less bitter towards Emma. Regina was simply trying to forget what happened, but failing. And it hurt every time she saw Emma with Hook. Every time she passed by, heard Snow or Charming or Ruby speak of Emma and Hooks blooming relationship, she ached inside.

It wasn't long before Emma was at the door again. Late at night. This time she smelled of too much to drink. Regina opened the door, not crying for once.

She was about to ask Emma what she was doing here when Emma stepped into her and gently kissed the side of her mouth, tears spilling onto Regina's skin.

Regina knew she shouldn't give in. Emma didn't want her, but she wanted this, she wanted Emma. She had since the last time had occurred.

She knew all it would take for Emma to turn and leave was that one question, 'do you love me', that would send her running. This was about guilt, about sex. About making Regina forget. So neither spoke again. Though this time Regina wouldn't let Emma take her clothes off. She was drunk and sad, Regina had more integrity than that. She let Emma kiss her, she kissed Emma back but as Emma's hands went for the waist of her pants, Regina slowed her hands shaking her head.

"Not tonight." She smiled her own sad smile at Emma.

She guided Emma's head to her chest.

"Go to sleep Emma." Emma clung to Regina, as her tears soaked through the cotton cloth.

….

This time it was Regina who woke first. She sighed feeling a weight on her chest, she could still hear the even rhythm of Emma's peaceful sleep. Regina ran her hand through Emma's golden hair. She lost herself in her thoughts. She didn't notice the breathing had changed until Emma snuggled her head further into Regina. Regina smiled, Emma didn't love her but the physical comfort felt good, and maybe Emma cared about her a little. When Regina finally sat up, as Emma moved off of her, Emma wrapped her herself about Regina's waist.

Emma had not a clue what she was doing, only it felt good, right. She wondered if it were guilt. She had tried to let Hook beyond her walls earlier tonight, but she just couldn't. She had made her excuses that she was going home, and then headed to Regina's. She never wanted to leave. This didn't make sense but it didn't have to. Regina didn't push her for answers, she never made her talk. She simply let Emma be the mess she was.

She was making Regina forget. But she was no closer to bringing her the happy ending she promised.

Regina made her coffee. They still didn't speak just quietly enjoyed each others company.

As Emma went to leave she walked to the door of the kitchen and Regina turned to the dishes, not wanting to watch her go. Emma walked back put her hands on Regina's shoulders, and after hearing a light gasp, kissed her on the cheek then turned to really leave this time.

The few nights Henry was over at Regina's were pure torture, Emma needed Regina, but to distract herself, filled her time with Hook. Kissing him, letting his hands running all over her, though if she were honest with herself she wished they belonged to someone else.

She liked hook she did, but her skin raced with fire every time she thought of Regina. And when she caught her eyes, her heart would feel as though the woman had ripped if from her chest.

She didn't know what she was doing.

…..

Regina suggested her and Henry go to the diner for once. They were having a great night, laughing and playfully nudging into each other until they walked in and saw Emma kissing Hook. It shouldn't hurt, Regina knew it was never about her, but she felt as though she had been punched in the gut.

Henry took noticed and shook her out of her shock.

"Mom let's get diner to go and go watch a movie." He moved to go place their order, as Regina handed him money and quickly fled to the safety of outside.

Emma had seen Regina's quickly retreating form. Shit. She had hurt Regina. Hook glanced back.

"She still hasn't forgiven you eh Swan. Just let her go. You need to stop beating yourself up over it. You are not responsible for her happiness." He gave her a sweet peck on the cheek.

"Your right…" Emma said lost in thought. Maybe it wasn't her job.

But as Emma lay down to sleep with Hook that night, just sleep she couldn't. She went to the bathroom and sat there the rest of the night. Thinking 'what am I doing'.

…

The night she had Henry back she spent the day at the beach with him, they explored and hiked all over. But that night as soon as he was asleep, she made her way to the only person who knew her anymore.

She knocked and sat on the porch.

Regina answered. At least Emma was sober this time. Emma stood and walked to her placing her hand on Regina's hip. Regina leaned into the wall, Emma dragging her eyes up from where her hand rest on Regina, to Regina's lips.

She let her lips quickly meet Regina's before Regina thought better of it. Regina walked back inside with Emma attached, Emma quickly pinning her up against the wall and moving her mouth to Regina's neck, hearing Regina's breath quicken its pace she moved her hands under Regina's shirt and scratched down her stomach to her waist.

Regina couldn't stop. After seeing Emma's lips on Hook she wanted them on her. She wanted to win, to have Emma on her, to want her. If she was here now at least Regina could pretend.

Regina felt Emma's hand slip down her pants past the defenses of her underwear. Regina arched into Emma. These were the moments she didn't think, couldn't grasp. Just let Emma grab her and hopped she wouldn't let go.

Tonight was different. Emma wasn't crying, Regina wasn't crying.

Regina could hear Emma's breathing not being interrupted by sobs that eventually wracked her entire body until they fell asleep.

Regina moaned Emma's name as she was in and out of her. Finally Regina dug her nails hard into Emma and Emma felt a rush against her hand.

Regina reached for Emma once she stopped shaking, being held up in Emma's arms.

This time Emma didn't stop her.

She let Regina take her shirt off. Regina wrapped it around the back of Emma's neck and while kissing her, pulled her back towards the couch in the living room. She laid Emma down and straddled her hips, rolling into Emma. Emma groaned and pulled Regina down into her harder. Regina kissed her hard, then as quickly as she had pulled cotton down, and quickly replaced it with her mouth. Emma gasped Regina's name, she never talked during these times. She tried to grab some sort of control and pulled Regina's hair up to get her attention. Regina looked confused till Emma pulled her on top and stole her lips. Regina's hand replaced her mouth's previous position. And Emma arched and whimpered until she felt her body tighten and then relax, Regina collapsing half on top of her. Emma blinked and turned to leave, but Regina snuck her arm around her waist, silently asking her to stay. Emma took a moment to consider what she would do.

She slowly lay back down and pulled Regina to her and wrapped her arms around the darker woman.

They drifted off to sleep.

…..

Regina woke to the smell of coffee and found Emma in the kitchen with her shirt and underwear on. Emma smiled held out a cup of coffee. She looked lighter than normal. Regina took it.

"Regina…" Emma was looking at her.

Regina met her eyes, no, speaking would ruin this perfect dream Regina had been hiding in.

"Emma don't…" Regina moved around her but Emma caught her hip.

"No we need to talk." Regina froze gripping her coffee tightly with both hands. Emma walked in front of her, carefully uncurled Regina's fingers and took the coffee and set it on the table.

Emma took Regina's hands.

"Emma please…" Regina's eyes were threatening to spill over.

"Why" Emma's face strained, eye browns knitted.

"Because, you…."

Emma stared into Regina's eyes waiting.

"you don't love me."

Emma gripped Regina's hands tighter.

Emma pulled Regina to her and kissed her, hoping Regina could read what she couldn't say.

Regina was lost in sensation for a moment then pulled back.

"Emma, I can't…"

A/N: was listening to I know Places by Twift on Repeat lol. oh noes Regina don't let Emma hurt you!


	5. All You Had To Do Was

"Emma, I can't…"

Regina yanked her hands out of Emma's, stepped back and pulled her arms around her torso.

"Regina, please…just…"

Regina spoke so quietly Emma almost didn't hear her

"get…out…please…" She leaned against the island for support.

Emma turned petrified. Then terror raced through her and she ran. She got halfway down the walkway before she slowed. She was terrified. More terrified by what the town would think? More terrified if she admitted to herself what this was actually about? Or more terrified that Regina might be right.

What if she didn't love Regina? What if this wasn't about distracting Regina what if it was about distracting herself. But since the first time months ago her mind was filled with thoughts of Regina. She didn't know what she was doing. But she didn't want it to end, she didn't want to let Regina go. She wanted to see where this went. It might all burn down, but she wanted to see how this story ended. She turned. Stormed back inside. Regina was sitting on the kitchen floor, her back against the wall, hand covering her face. Emma could see her shoulders shake.

Emma sat in front of her. Pulled her hand down gently.

"What if you're wrong?" Regina glared at Emma.

"You don't. You couldn't."

"_You_ don't get to decide how I feel." Emma, with Regina felt worth something.

"What about Hook?" Regina's voice held a challenge.

Emma pulled out her phone. Took a deep breath.

Regina's eyes went wide.

"Emma… what are you doing?"

She heard the phone ringing. Emma grabbed her hand.

"Hey, It's me. I need to talk to you. I'm sorry I know I have been distant lately… and I know why."

A pause.

"I… I think I might be falling for Regina. I don't want to lead you on anymore. I'm sorry, Killian, I do care about you. But I can't do this anymore."

A click, Emma hung up.

"Regina, you haunt my thoughts. I feel more ok when I am with you then I have my whole messed up life. Seriously. And you can tell me I don't love you, I have even tried telling myself that, but… I know better."

Emma closed her eyes. She might as well finish, she had come this far.

"I Love you Regina Mills."

Regina chocked back a sob.

"And you don't have to feel the same, I will take whatever I can get from you. I want you to have your happy ending and if that is not with me fine. But I won't have mine until you have yours. I love you so much I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me."

Emma was smiling and crying.

"Please tell me I didn't just make an ass of myself," a slight laugh, "Maybe I really am an idiot." She shrugged.

Regina still wasn't speaking, she was frozen.

"Regina please, say something? Scream at me to get out, or tell me you don't feel the same…"

Regina lunged forward and silenced the babbling blond with her lips.

A/N: Am I done? ;P what are your thoughts?


End file.
